u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
