I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
