if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
