Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
