She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
