i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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