How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
