Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
