DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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