I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
