my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
