Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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