I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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