Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
