Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
