I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my liver is dry heaving
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
