This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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