my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
