I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
