so explain again why im purple
no
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
