Sry I called you an 8
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
