remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
