I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
