from now on my penis is your penis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
