And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
