no, he came in my armpit
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
