How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
