she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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