So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
