Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
