The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
