Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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