Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
