I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
