Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
