JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
