I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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