I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
