Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
