Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think my moral compass just broke
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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