Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
