We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
