I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
