yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
