New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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