I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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