Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just had sex on a roof
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
