What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
