we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
