my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
