I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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