My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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